Kazuya Vs Catherine Tate
by anime-tekken-game-gyal-lover
Summary: well this is pure british comedy, well not really just has one british person in it. Guess who?


Kazuya vs. Catherine Tate 

Authors note: if you don't know who Catherine Tate is, well I think you have the right to know. She is a British comedian, who usually acts as a teenage Chav/Chavette, who gets mouthy to people at no reason what so ever. She is in your face she wears hoop earrings school uniform (but all fucked up- as in her tie isn't done her shirt is un tucked her skirt is too short, you know chavy style. Wearing a lot of bling – trying to act like gangster but obviously can't.) NOT A FRIENDLY CHAV! Her hair is ginger and tied up high, and well you know. Obviously having a chavy east London accent. LOLS!! Now about being in your face, well Kazuya and Catherine are both in your face, so they don't go too well.

Normal day at the Mishima Manor:

Kazuya: (reading newspaper) these fucking suckers need to get a life!

Jun: Kazuya what is it?

Kazuya: Freakin' George BUSH! Bush! Stupid bastard! He can't leave any country alone, he has to stick em' in his ass!

Jun: Oh Kazuya!... Oh yes. Kazuya have something to tell you.

Kazuya: What is it?

Jun: I met someone yesterday.

Kazuya: (sarcastically) _that's lovely honey! _

(Audience laughs)

Jun: Well she needed some where to stay. So I said she can stay here for a while.

Kazuya: WHATT! DAM IT JUN! What've I told you about helpin' people?!

(Audience laughs)

Jun: Oh Kazi! It's only till her Uncle comes and collects her from here. It won't be long. And I'm sure you'll like her.

Kazuya: Jun I don't like anyone! I hate you, and this stinkin' family! Do you really think I'll like some random girl who is coming over to our house to stay? I don't think so!

Jun: Well she'll be here any minute now!

(Doorbell rings)

Jun: OOOH it must be her!

Jun opens the door a teenager with ginger hair stood in front of her.

Jun: Hello Catherine!

Catherine shoves Jun and barges in.

Catherine: Where's ma room? (Sits on Kazuya's chair)

Kazuya: Oi! (Hey!) Get off my chair!

Catherine: Or what?

Kazuya: Or what! Or what? Don't get mouthy with me young lady or I'll fucking-

Catherine: Face aint boverrrd! (Bothered) Don't chat to me! Oright! I don't want you spoilin' the view! Its all ready ugly in 'ere init! Need to lighten' it up!

Kazuya: You Slut! (Kazuya thought to himself)

Kazuya: Jun can we speak please.

Jun: not now honey. I'm embracing how happy she is here in your chair, having a cigarette.

Catherine: You got any more Fags? (Cigarettes)

Kazuya: She's what?.. Jun look dis girl is dam up her self! She can say what ever da fuck she likes now but Jun I swear I'll sick Kuma on her spawny little freckled face!

She thinks she's a mouthy teenage Chav who can get a way wid cheap cusses then she's wrong! If the boy acted like dat with me, then Jun I swear…

(Audience laughs)

Failing to notice that Jun had already gone.

Jun: would you like some cookies Catherine?

Catherine: Giv' me da lot of 'em!

(audience laughs)

Jun: Awww

Jun: Jin! Xiaoyu! Asuka!

Jin: yeah Momma!

Catherine: Teh! 'Momma!'

Jin: yeah mum, we're here.

Jun; now I want you to meet a friend of mine! Her name is Catherine. Say hello then.

Jin, Xiaoyu, Asuka: hi, how you doin'?

Catherine: Fine, hey you!

Asuka: who!.. Me?

Catherine: Yeah!... You a virgin?

(audience laughs)

Asuka: (Asuka blushing) is that any of your business?!

Catherine: Oright, Oright! Just fucking asking! Why you Fuffin' getting rude though?

Asuka: Okay… I was just saying…

Catherine: am I Boverd? Does my face look Boverd? No! So talk to the broken finger coz face aint boverrrd!! Oright?! (sticking middle finger up)

(audience: Boo's!)

Asuka: Okay calm down you bitch do you think I'm gonna take that crap from you! You fucking slag!

Catherine: Ughhhhh!! Shut fuck up!

Asuka: Why don't you!

Catherine: I swear, I'll bring ma mum shank you! IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP! Fucking bitch! Fuck off! You piece of shit!

Asuka: whatever! Come try me!

Catherine: she'll shank you! Seriously! She bang you up! Just don't speak to me! AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Xiaoyu: Do you mind chatting to ma mans, cousin like dat please? Lfamo! STUPID CHAV!

(Audience: OOOOOH!!)

Catherine: ooh u callin Chav? You stupid lesbian!!

Xiaoyu: I may be lesbian, but at least I got a betta' face than yours! Careful not to look into da mirror! Anyway how am I a lesbian didn't I just say I had a man. Darlin' you need to clean your ears out! (Kisses her lips)

(Audience: OOOOH'S & Cheers)

Catherine eventually goes silent! This time she had nothing to say. She gave Xiaoyu a dirty look, and turns around. (Usually Catherine would continue, and do really rude cusses which would do the other person head in'! it would be really bad. But wanted to shut her up for once!)

Kazuya: Well son, you gotta a girl who can really shut up Chavs like her!

Jin: Yeah dad, did you see the way she cussed her, now that's comedy central!

Kazuya: Next time she says anything den I'll do what I do!

EVERYONE: SHOVE HER OFF THE CLIFF!

Everyone laughs.

Thank-you now the next chapter will be, Kazuya vs. Catherine Tate part 2.

So stay tuned:D


End file.
